So, how do you process the depravity of humanity?

In a moment, a breath, a blink, a look…one life, monumental for good — gone.

Wednesday morning started like any other. I made my way to the gym, the house was quiet when I returned. Dame, normally my partner in crime at the gym, left earlier that morning. Driving Riley to campus (unusual since she normally takes public transport.) But Charlie Kirk was going to be on campus.

Dame asked if I wanted to attend the event.

I did, but I’ve never really been one to deal well with heated dialogue. Something I admired about Charlie. He didn’t shrink from it. He leaned in, respectfully and boldly spoke truth.

I’d watched enough of his content on social media to know well enough about how the young people on college campuses come up to the mic, sometimes too spitefully. 

Never believing the thing you think could happen, would happen, I still said a prayer that morning.

“Heavenly Father, please keep Dame and Riley safe from any harm or accident as they are on site today.”

Around 10ish or so I checked in with Dame - “How’s it going?”

His text showed me just how close he would be to Charlie, having arrived early to get great seats. Riley (thank goodness) would be in class while the event was ongoing.

I had a great morning, breakfast as usual. A great meeting, and my next stop was a drive up to Sandy for a continuing education class. Mid way during my drive, Dame called me.

“Hello.” I said.

Out of breath, he responded “Charlie’s been shot. We’re safe, but he’s been shot. I’m on my way to go get Riley from class and we will head home immediately.”

I prayed it was a weak shot, that maybe it was to the chest, and that possibly having been prepared, he was suited up with a vest or something. Not too much later, I hopped onto facebook and read that he had been shot in the neck.

I prayed out loud to God that he would be with the doctors to help save his life. That he’d create a miracle, that this young man would live, and not be left brain dead or paralyzed.

But then while in my continuing education class, I hopped onto Instagram to direct message my sister and to my unexpected surprise, with absolutely zero consent, my feed shared the up-close video of Charlie being killed. The shot to the neck, the blood, his head tilting back, his falling over. Just like that in a second, I’d watched it.

I gasped out loud.

I haven’t been ok since. And as of that day, my social media apps have been deleted.

I can’t log on, I can’t hear the hateful comments from one side, some celebrating.

How? 

Where is your state of mind and depravity when you can rejoice over someone being killed.

How did this become ok?

My experience Wednesday has given me a new appreciation for how a group of people can feel after witnessing and experiencing loss. The loss of a person in the prime of their life, who went about doing good.

Until I can process it all,  I’ve got to hang in there and let scripture speak.

Isaiah 43:19

Do not lose hope in times of trouble, for God is working in the unseen. His hand is steady, and His timing is perfect in bringing good out of difficulty.